The Jaguar Ad: Now with 100% More Scarf, 0% More Car

Ah, the modern Jaguar advert — that curious species of marketing in which the car itself is treated like an embarrassing relative at a wedding: technically present, but best kept out of sight. Instead, we are treated to two minutes of sweeping drone shots over moody coastlines, a piano note that sounds like it’s been plucked from a particularly sensitive perfume commercial, and a voiceover whispering words like “Desire” and “Instinct” as though reciting the menu at an especially pretentious bistro.

The result is an advert in which you know far more about the actor’s jawline than the vehicle’s engine, and the only clear performance specification is how well a silk scarf flutters in slow motion.

Of course, the logic is simple: why show the car when you can imply it? After all, if you never see it, you can never be disappointed — a strategy that works equally well for blind dates and budget hotels. By the end, you’re left thinking not, “I want that car,” but, “Did I just watch a trailer for an arthouse film about loneliness and leather upholstery?”