Lionesses Show the Men How It’s Done — Again


The England women’s football team have once again demonstrated that they can do what the men’s team generally approach with all the deadly precision of a blancmange armed with a stick: win something important. With grace, grit, and a total absence of catastrophic penalty shoot-outs, they’ve lifted the trophy and the national mood in equal measure.

The match itself was a masterclass in composure — not a single moment wasted on dramatic dives, hair adjustments, or the traditional English pastime of blaming the referee for one’s own incompetence. Instead, the Lionesses simply did what generations of English footballers have regarded as an unspeakable novelty: they scored more goals than the other side.

And now, the country celebrates. Flags wave, headlines gush, and somewhere in a quiet pub corner, an England men’s coach stares into his pint and wonders how on earth he’s supposed to follow that.

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